While I was busy trying to put some things together for my next move, I was the move that was made.  I’ve welcomed it; sometimes we don’t make the changes needed until they are made for us.

When enough isn’t enough

I’m legit hurting in my soul right now.

I though I was done with caring for the Knicks, but last night proved I was only kidding myself.

In case you haven’t heard (or don’t care, it’s ok) the 2015 NBA Draft Lottery Order was determined last night.  Each year, the leagues worst teams get to find out in what order they will be selecting players from June’s upcoming draft.  This is significant because NY’s last great player (sorry Carmelo) was selected 30 years ago.  Patrick Ewing was the #1 overall pick in the 1985 NBA Draft.  Knick fans were hoping to strike gold again in this year’s lottery, and they deserved to.  The New York Knicks had the worst record in the NBA for almost the entire season.  They were “tanking” or deliberately loosing games to improve their draft position.  The worst record in the NBA guarantees that a team will have the greatest number of ping pong balls, which equates to the greatest probability of earning the right to choose first in the draft.  All projections had the Knicks earning the #1 pick for their efforts, with even the most extreme models showing them no lower than #2.

But the Knicks had to go ahead an Knick.  For no reason whatsoever, they went on an uncalled for streak to end the season, winning 3 out of their final 6.  Because of this Minnesota (who wasn’t tanking as obviously as the Knicks were) ended the season with the worst record by a single game, and thus the greatest chance for that coveted #1.

So what did the Knicks earn for their untimely righting of the ship at the end of the season?

The 2nd pick?  Nope.

The 3rd pick? Wrong again.

The 4th pick?  Bingo.

4th.  This may not seem like a big deal but it is.  This year’s draft features 3 virtual can’t miss rookie NBA draft prospects.  New York went from having their pick of the best, to potentially missing out on all of them.  That’s why Knicks General Manager Steve Mills has his MJ cry head on.  He knows his organization just blew a golden opportunity to start over fresh.

But these are the Knicks we’re talking about here.

Letting Go

So my children are away at Grandma & Grandpa’s for much of this week.  This is our first extended (longer than two days) time away from each other.  Initially the thought of having a few days without the crew around was quite appealing, but as is often the case, ideas tend to outpace reality.

It’s not just that I miss our daughter slicking into our bed at least twice a night, being awoken by the shrieks of our 9-month old son, or our oldest asking for cereal before sunup.  I realized that this is the first step in the process of letting go.  Our children will be with us only for a short while, as we try to teach them how to be a light to the world.  18 some-odd years seems like a long time, but it goes by quickly.  Our oldest will be 6 in December, and our is daughter will be 3 in two weeks, going on 14 it feels.  My role as their father is to make the most of these few moments, and pray that God makes up the difference.

Grandma has sent a few phone pics and informed us, that the children ask about us everyday.  That made me smile.

You think you’re being held back, but you aren’t.

I think Seal is one of the baddest dudes out there.  It’s not just the fact that he’s a Grammy Award winning international Pop Star.  Seal gets love all over the world because his musical sound is unique and never compromising.  That voice; so distinctive, his music often causes me to consider how I view things.

The other day I was listening to his first album, track number 4, a song called Crazy.  

Seal (When he was wilder, younger, with more hair).

The bridge of the sound goes like this:

In a sky full of people only some want to fly
Isn’t that crazy
In a world full of people only some want to fly
Isn’t that crazy

I played the song a second time.

I listened to the bridge again:

In a sky full of people only some want to fly
Isn’t that crazy
In a world full of people only some want to fly
Isn’t that crazy

Earlier, I had delete a few apps on my phone, cleared numerous hyperlinks from my internet capable devices, as well as my Netflix queue.  All these things were time sinks.  I was beginning to regret the decision, fearing I would be bored of nothing to do.  But then I realized, this was the pattern of my own self sabotage.  

Why wouldn’t I want more free time?  Isn’t this the excuse I give for not pursuing all these great ideas in my head? 

The safe and easy thing was to continue to allow addictive tendencies to rob me of the one true resource we have, which is time.  The safe and easy thing was to continue to waste countless hours (and I do mean countless) playing video games, watching movies, lurking message boards looking for cheap laughs, and window shopping on eBay.  The safe and easy thing was to continue to make excuses, instead of facing the truth; I didn’t want to fly.

No more.

I want to fly.

 Isn’t that crazy?